Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, taught what became known as the basic household codes in Greek and Hellenist culture. The Aristotlian Household Codes addressed the husbands, instructing them to rule over their wives, over their children, and over their slaves.
The Household Codes in the Bible are strikingly different. We see the wife being addressed first, and then the husband, and we see that the Bible teaches mutual submission in the marriage relationship. For example:
"For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. " -1 Cor. 7:4 NRSVue
"Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man or man independent of woman. For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman, but all things come from God." -1 Cor. 11:11-12 NRSVue
The Christian Household Code of Ephesians chapter 5 starts with verse 21, where it defines Christian and marital submission, and it ends with verse 33, where it summarizes in one word for each spouse, what that submission looks like in marriage.
Let's take a look at the Bible's definition of submission in marriage:
"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Eph. 5:21 NLT 2013
Christians in general, as well as in marriages, are to submit (be subject) to each other. The Greek word underlying "subject/submit" here, is hypotassō, which was a Greek military term meaning "to arrange troops in a military fashion under the command of a leader." In non-military use, it meant "to cooperate with, or to support."
We can see via context immediately, what type of "submit" is being used in Ephesians chapter five, as verse 21 says "submit to one another." This cannot be in the military sense, else there is no leader, as they are both putting themselves under the authority of the other. Therefore, the type of "submit" in the household codes is the non-military definition, which was to "support." Christians are to humbly support one another.
We also see that "submit" here must not mean "obey," as "obey" is used later in the Ephesians Household Code, when it says that children are to "obey" their parents, and the slaves were to "obey" their masters. The husband and wife are to support (submit / be subject to) each other.
Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 says to the wife:
"For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord." Eph. 5:22 NLT 2013
The most reliable and oldest manuscripts do not have the word "submit" in the above verse. From the Greek into English, it literally says "For wives unto your husbands as to the Lord." This means that it is referring back to the verb "submit" in verse 21, which is a mutual submission of supporting one another, not a military submission of obeying someone.
I'm quoting the NLT 2013 here, because it carries the idea of mutual submission from verse 21, into "For wives this means" in verse 22, and "For husbands this means" in verse 25.
Now let's take a look at verses 23-24:
"For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything." Eph. 5:23-24 NLT 2013
Recall that verse 21 defined submission in the marriage as mutual - the wife submits to the husband, and the husband submits to the wife.
Notice in the above verse 23, it says "for a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church." This passage is more literal and sensical in the NRSVue, where it says "for the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, his body."
Did you see that it went from husbands and wives - plural, to singular? "The husband / the wife." This is because "the husband" is the original husband - Adam, and "the wife" is the original wife - Eve. This is further verified in verse 31. It went back to the source, which parallels with where the above passage also says "as Christ is the head of the church." In the next verse, it goes back to plural - husbands and wives.
People tend to put a modern meaning to the symbolic word for "head," and that creates not only confusion in the churches, but sexism against women, which often leads to abuse. In modern English, symbolic "head" means "authority or leader." This is NOT what symbolic "head" meant in the ancient Koine Greek at the time Ephesians (and all of the New Testament) was written.
We MUST interpret the Bible by how it was understood by the original recipients. At that time, symbolic head meant "source, beginning, origin of." If we plug in "Adam" for "the husband," and "Eve" for "the wife," and "source" for "head" in verse 23, then we can see how the original recipients of the letter to the churches of Ephesus saw it:
"For Adam is the source of Eve just as Christ is the source of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior."
The Bible uses source language a LOT. In both Testaments, we often see people symbolically called trees, and the question is where did the seed for you, the tree, come from? - If the seed/source is God, then you are a tree of God. If the seed/source of your tree - you, is the world, then your spiritual source is worldly.
In the New Testament, we see several places where the Bible teaches Christ as the head - source of the church, and the church is the body. The head nourishes the body, and in Grecian thought, the body grows from the head, and is its beginning - think of "the head of a river," or Rosh Hashanah - "head of the year."
We see therefore that in verse 23 that as Adam was the (DNA) source of Eve, Christ is the source (beginning) of the church, which is the body (which originated from the head - Christ). In verse 24, we see that the church supports Christ (the body holds up the head) and likewise, the wife is to support her husband, under the definition of mutual submission as laid out in verse 21.
Notice that the Ephesians 5 Household Code doesn't bother telling the wife HOW to submit to her husband, until the last verse in chapter 5. Instead, most of this code is written to the husband, describing how he is to submit to his wife.
Recall from verse 21:
"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Eph. 5:21 NLT 2013
and then in verse 25a, we see: "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church..." NLT 2013
This Household Code goes into great detail, describing exactly what the love of husbands to their wives should look like. Husbands submit to their wives, by loving them the way Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it, and by loving their wives as they love themselves.
Why is it giving such deep detail to the husbands, as to how to love their wives? This is because Ephesian culture at that time generally regarded women as about the same level as slaves - they had no rights, and were considered subhuman and non-intelligent. Husbands often were in their 30s, marrying female children who just started puberty. Of course these girls didn't seem intelligent. They were not allowed to be educated, and they were children!
It was common for husbands to rape their female slaves, go to prostitutes, and have homosexual relations. They would take a wife only when it was time for them to sire an heir to their household. Wives were not loved.
In the Ephesians 5 household code, it is saying that Christians are to support one another, and that includes the wife supporting her husband, and the husband supporting his wife, by loving her.
This Household Code doesn't tell us how the wife submits (supports) until the very last verse, where it summarizes the wife and husband relationship in Christ, as:
"So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Eph. 5:33 NLT 2013
Now we see that their mutual submission (supporting one another) - verse 21, is via the wife respecting her husband, and the husband loving his wife - verse 33.
Why "respect" from the wife to the husband? If you were an uneducated female child, married off to a man in his 30s against your will, and were treated not much better than household slaves, would you respect your husband? Not likely. Therefore, Paul is bunking the sexist Aristotle Household Codes, by stating that the husband is to LOVE his wife, and the wife is to RESPECT her husband.
Ephesians chapter five is not at all espousing patriarchy. In fact, verse 31 says:
"As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." -NLT 2013
This is the opposite of patriarchy. In a patriarchy, the wife leaves her family for the husband. In both the Old and New Testaments, we see the opposite. The husband leaves his family for his wife.
Is the Bible condoning men marrying children? Not at all. The household code was written to how the cultural households were at that time, in that society. As Christianity expanded, so did morality. Men began marrying women, rather than children. There are still other religions today that deem women as almost subhuman, and have men marrying children. This is not so in Spirit-Filled Christianity.
Chapter 6 of Ephesians then goes into how the children and slaves are to be, in the household. Both are told to "obey." Some question about the household slaves. Is this saying that Christians are to have slaves, or that slavery is okay? NO. The household codes in the New Testament were written to Greek and Hellenist households at that time, and the common households generally had slaves. A slave often was someone who was in debt, and sold themself to their debtor to pay the debt, or they sold their child as a slave to pay debt.
The Bible nowhere condones slavery, but the Bible also works within the culture of which it was written. The first step of abolishing Grecian household slaves, was where the Bible teaches that the Masters were to care for them, and treat them right. As Christianity spread, household slavery became a thing of the past, as Galatians 3:28 teaches:
"There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28 NLT 2013
And as we see in the early church, in Romans chapter 16, it lists church leaders, teachers, and missionaries - and we see a mix of Jews, Gentiles, freed slaves, rich people, men, and women - all leaders of the early church, and all one in Christ.
